Students always do the Things they're Never Taught
by Ultra Orunitia
Summary: When Sonic and his friends get really poor, they need a job. Apparently, high school teaching seemed to be a good and enjoyable job, but they quickly regret it.
1. We Should All Stop Peeing in the Ocean

Students always do the Things they're Never Taught To

Sonic sat down looking at the bills. They were never going to afford it. Especially the electric bill. With Tails' constant inventing, you'd think they're growing marijuana or something. They needed to get a job. Sonic knew just that becoming a teacher was the only job he qualified for in order to afford paying the bills. Of course, his education didn't quite qualify. A master's in communication. _USELESS!!!_ Sonic thought. But he could always lie.

"Tails, we're gonna need a job. And the rest of us." Said Sonic.

"Let's apply for a job in the high school over there where we never hear about! That's what the story's about, anyways." Tails said. So they gathered everyone they knew to go apply for the job because apparently they live in the same house in this story.

The entire group consisted of Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, Silver, a mop and Blaze who has been brought here because Silver dragged her along. Everybody went to apply for a job, and Sonic was first for an interview.

"Hi, guy, I brought my résumé, now LOOK AT IT!!!" Sonic said. The other end picked up the paper and read it aloud.

"Saved the world, saved the world, saved the world, went street fighting, vacation, saved the world, gained some weight. Well, that's good enough. You're hired, just because you went street fighting. Here's your bullet-proof vest. "

"Why would I need that?"

"Just take it."

Sonic walked out of the room and everybody asked him how it went.

"Well, I'm hired. I haven't felt this good since I beat Mario at the Olympic Games." Sonic said.

"Hey, it was just that one time! I challenge you to a rematch at the Winter Olympics!" Mario said before he left riding Yoshi.

* * *

Soon, everyone got hired because everyone went street fighting once. They threw the bullet-proof vests into a garbage truck and went to the cafeteria to discuss the courses they applied to teach.

"I don't think they really respect the job we apply for." Silver said.

"Why's that?" Sonic asked.

"I'm the janitor."

"Well, I'm in chemistry" said Tails. "Apparently, they were to cheap to let me teach mechanics."

"I got the remedial class." Blaze said.

"Shadow got advanced and honour roll classes." Sonic said.

"Well, it's better than your lousy mathematics!" Shadow commented.

Sonic broke into tears. "I KNOW!!! IT'S A USELESS COURSE!!!"

Hey, I found a sandwich. I mean it!

The next day, everyone went into the school to teach their classes, when a bunch of school girls walked up to Sonic.

"Hey, you're a new teacher, right?" one of the girls asked.

"Uh, yeah, I am." Sonic replied.

"We just want to tell you that teachers don't survive here."

"Huh?" Before Sonic could respond, a whole gang of students appeared behind the plants with paintball plants and started firing at Sonic.

"GAAAHH!!!" Sonic screamed as more students from higher floors bombarded him with water balloons. Sonic took cover in Shadow's classroom because he had no classes in the current block.

"Hey, Sonic! Is it Rainbow Day already?" Shadow asked a "colourful" Sonic.

"There is no Rainbow Day. The students are attacking me!" Suddenly, Tails and Blaze ran into Shadow's classroom.

"All the students threw chairs at me." Blaze said.

"All the students threw _tables_ at me!" Tails said triumphantly.

"Tails, that's nothing to be proud of." Sonic said. Suddenly, through the window on the door, they saw Knuckles screaming down the hallway. Everyone else opened the door to find a bunch of students throwing tables at Knuckles. Suddenly, the bell rang, and all the students suddenly calmed down and went into the classrooms.

"Well, let's hope they stay like that throughout the rest of the year." Sonic said. "Oh, Knuckles, I think I have your teeth here."

"Thanks." Knuckles mumbled as he picked up his teeth.

* * *

Classes went rather well, except for the occasional chair being thrown at the chalk board. The students have got all the new teachers pretty spooked, but they were under a one year contract so they couldn't quit. Sonic tried to teach math but wasn't very good at it.

"Okay, this is pi. It's equal to 3.14159260521."

"We already learned pi and that obviously isn't pi. The first zero is to appear at the 50th digit." Said a random nerd.

"Uh… I made a new discovery. PI IS EXCACTLY THREE!!!" Sonic said. All the nerds gasped and a desk was thrown at Sonic. The student who threw the desk screamed that Sonic sucked. Sonic sighed and tried to push himself onwards.

* * *

At lunch time, while walking around the hallway, Sonic, Shadow and Tails were caught by a surprise attack by the students. They brought fire truck hoses and started hosing the three teachers down.

"U MUST DIE!!!" The students screamed. While the students went to connect another hose to the fire hydrant, Sonic, Shadow and Tails were given a little break, so they looked around to understand the situation. Something didn't seem quite right to Sonic.

"Blaze, what are you doing with them?" Sonic suddenly exclaimed as he saw Blaze sitting on a bench holding a hose.

"Don't blame me, I didn't want to die." Blaze said. "Now shut up!" Blaze started spraying the hose until the first floor was flooded and everyone had to wade through the water.

"Class is gonna start." Blaze said as she started down the flooded hallway.

* * *

Class in the afternoon was just as bad for Sonic. He was so desperate to get an equation right.

"Blaze, what are you doing in my class? Shouldn't you be teaching?" Sonic suddenly exclaimed again.

"Blaze? I'm not Blaze. I'm Blaaaze. Pleased to meet you." Said Blaze.

"Stop playing dumb with me!"

"Well, you better play dead, I heard the seniors are going to use you as live bait."

Sonic couldn't take it anymore. Blaze was trying to be a student so she wouldn't be beaten up by the students. Sonic ran out of the classroom, just to see Knuckles running towards him, screaming, with an angry mob of students chasing him. Sonic also started screaming as both him and Knuckles were being chased. They kept on running until the school day was over.

As Sonic, Knuckles, Blaze and Shadow walked towards the main gate, Tails called out to them.

"Hey, guys! Uh, a little help?" Tails was tied up and tied to a flagpole just beside the gate. All the teachers were too wary to help and just walked home.

"Oh wow." Tails said to himself. "I better not be left here for the rest of the year."


	2. Stealing Your Boss' Toupee is Quite Fun

Sonic ran for his life. No matter how fast he ran, there would always be more students charging from the other side of the hallway, and at least 200 students and 3 rhinos guarded the school entrance where Tails was still tied to the flagpole. Sonic locked the door in his classroom for cover hoping for class to start.

"Just because class is starting doesn't mean we won't kill you _during_ class!" one of the students screamed.

After hearing that, Sonic shot out the door into Blaze's classroom since she had no class during the first block.

"Blaze! You got to help me! They're gonna tear me apart!" Sonic said.

"Well, some seniors are gonna skip class and throw chairs at me, so I'm not much help." Blaze commented.

"Okay, maybe Shadow can help us!" Sonic said thoughtfully.

The two sneaked, ran and climbed into Shadow's classroom, just to find him tied up as the seniors used him as live bait for a shark in a huge tank in the classroom. At the back of the classroom was a bulletin board stating that Sonic was the next live bait if Shadow got eaten.

"You see? I told you." Said Blaze.

"Told me what?" Sonic asked.

"The seniors are gonna use you as live bait! Haven't you read chapter 1?"

"I was getting to that."

"Okay, Knuckles may prove useful." Blaze wanted to get out of the area ASAP so she dragged Sonic down the hallway towards Knuckle's classroom. Blaze opened the door, surprised to see no students in his classroom. Knuckles explained that he overheard students talking about catching Sonic to use him as live bait.

"Hey, I'm the fastest thing alive, they can't possibly catch me!" Sonic said.

"There he is! GET HIM!!!" Suddenly, Sonic was tied up and dragged down the hallway by a bunch of students.

"AAIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Sonic was heard screaming down the hallway, followed by the sound of a classroom door slamming shut.

Knuckles quickly ran down the hallway screaming again. He was quickly forced to go the other way by a horde of students. Blaze joined the students.

I just heard my stomach rumble. I'm gonna get back into the kitchen to make me a sandwich.

* * *

After class started, it was a relief for the new teachers, since the students calmed down a little. Unfortunately teaching was still impossible, especially for Knuckles, because Blaze never left his classroom.

"Blaze, what are you doing here?" Knuckles asked as the students sat down.

"Excuse me, kind sir. You must have mistaken me for another. I am not Blaze. My name is Blaaaze." Blaze said.

"What's the difference between that and just Blaze?"

"Well, for starters, there are three A's."

"That barely sounds any different from just Blaze."

"Fine, my name is legally changed to Blllaze." Blaze held up the deed to her castle and added a few scribbles to make it look like something the court passed down.

"How do you even pronounce that? It's even worse than Blaaaze!" Knuckles commented.

"Hey everybody! Let's go beat up the teacher!" Blaze said as the entire class chased Knuckles down the hallway.

Knuckles ran into Shadow's classroom for cover, but seeing Sonic being used as live bait made him shoot out again. Knuckles kept on running until he found himself at the swimming pool.

"They won't be able to find me if I hide in the swimming pool." Knuckles said to himself.

"He's going to the swimming pool! Get him!" Knuckles heard the student yell.

"Me and my big mouth." Knuckles said to himself again as he jumped out the window. He went passed the main gate to avoid the rhinos and students guarding it and tried to keep as far from it as possible.

"Hey, Knuckles! A little help?" Yelled Tails as he was still tied to the flagpole.

Knuckles ignored Tails as he continued to run for his life.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sonic was still being used as live bait.

"Teach us about multiplication, huh?" The students asked as they dunked Sonic in the tank.

"Teach us about denominators, huh?" Sonic was dunked once again.

* * *

The entire day just went on, but the students were having fun. After school finally ended, Sonic decided to change his course to keep people from having excuses to use him as live bait for the shark. He went to the principal's office.

"Hi, I was wondering if…" Sonic began.

"I quit for no reason!" The principal said. "You be the principal!"

"But I-"

"Do it or you're fired!"

Sonic didn't want to be principal because he was afraid that the principal was a special target for the students, so after the principal left, he changed his course without knowing that the only one available was PE.

* * *

The next day, after checking the schedule, Sonic was shocked to see he was teaching PE. He could just imagine the students bombarding him with dodge balls. Sonic walked to the gym carefully, seeing the students sitting on the bench nicely. Sonic let out a sigh of relief, and started blowing balloons.

"Hey, we're gonna play dodge ball, but only with these balloons." Sonic said. "Handle them carefully or else they will… pop. Come on! I spent the last fifteen minutes blowing those balloons; you didn't have to pop them right now!"

"Hey, we brought swim suits. Our last PE teacher told us we were swimming." Said one of the students.

"Uh… What happened to your last PE teacher?" Sonic asked.

"We tied him onto the flagpole."

"So... I'm supposed to teach you swimming?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you guys just swim all you like while I do nothing?"

"HEY! LET'S TOSS HIM IN THE POOL!!!" Blaze suddenly yelled out in the crowd.

So the students did.

* * *

Tails was still tied to the flagpole when school ended.

"Guys! Help!" Tails screamed.

"Hey, calm down, they're probably gonna leave you there a little longer anyways." Someone beside him said.

"Who are you?"

"I'm the gym teacher."

"Oh. So… have you been tied up before?"

"Yeah, last year, I've been up here for 9 months before the fire station noticed me."

"9 months!?"

"Yeah."

"SONIC!!! HELP MEEE!!!" Tails screamed as a soaked Sonic walked toward the school gate. He stopped and looked at the flagpole.

"Huh, I could've swore someone was calling me." Sonic said as he walked off.

"See? I told you no one's gonna notice." the gym teacher said.

Tails started screaming and squirming nonstop. Still, nobody ever got around to noticing him.


	3. When You See a Monk, Give Him some Curry

Day 10 unto the school and not a bit of improvement was within arms' reach. Sonic groaned as he had to teach another PE class, and it was still swimming. Apparently, he couldn't change the unit at will, even being the principle, which he doesn't want to be.

"Okay, instead of swimming and you guys tossing me in the pool, we can spend this block learning about American stuff. Let's sing the national anthem: Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early…" Sonic was cut off by a student yelling from the back.

"Shut up, or else we're gonna have to take away your beautiful spacious skies and amber waves of grain! If that doesn't work, we'll destroy your purple mountain majesty above the fruited plain! Actually, I have no idea how is that really relevant to this, but I thought I'd pop in something Americain!"

The students agreed and tossed Sonic into the pool.

The next block, Sonic tried the same technique, but still with little luck in preventing getting tossed into the pool.

"O CANADA!!! OUR HOME AND NATIVE LA-" Cut off once again, by being tossed into the pool.

After lunch break, Sonic was being chased by students and rhinos, and while he wasn't looking, crashed into the flag pole at 300 km/h (That's approximately 186.42 mph, kids! Learn your math, cuz I DOO!!! YOU CAN ALSO BUY E-Z MATH FOR $999.99, TEACHES YOO IMPERIAL CONVERSION OR YOUR MONEY BACK GURANTEE!!! 1-800-LERNZ-OR-ELSE!!! Don't call now, because this thing doesn't actually exist. ONLY $999.99, TO CURE YOU STUPID PEOPLE AND TURN YOU SMART, OR 3 E-Z PAYMENTS OF $9,000,000.99!!! DON'T CALL TODAY!!!) which knocked Tails onto the ground.

"YES!!! YES!!! LAND!!! I KISS YA!!! MWA HA HA HA HA!!!" Tails gave out a maniacal laughter and started kissing the ground while Sonic continued to run for his life.

A

* * *

fter an hour or two, Sonic realized the students were treating him a bit more rough than before was because he was the principal. He couldn't stay principal this way, so he thought of giving it to Knuckles. Also, it was rumoured that good bus drivers were respected by the students so he decided to learn to drive.

"Knuckles! You gotta teach me to drive!" Sonic burst into Knuckles' classroom.

"What? Why? What's in it for me?" Knuckles eyed Sonic suspiciously.

"Um… You get to be principal. Principals get special treatment!"

"Yeah that's good enough. I'll teach you to drive."

Knuckles pulled out his car from the garage.

"Uh… Isn't it easier just to drive it out?" Sonic asked.

"I get more muscles if I pull it out!" Knuckles replied.

"Won't you strain something?"

"I'm never gonna strain anything cuz I'm voice acted by Dan Green!"

"Well, that's fine. Just don't get run over by that oncoming truck over there."

"Huh? AIEEE!!!" Knuckles got run over.

After helping Knuckles up, Sonic took a look at Knuckle's car.

"Hey, Knuckles! I didn't know you had a BMW!" Sonic said.

"It's not a BMW. My car is over there." Knuckles pointed to a tiny 20 year old Honda. After getting in, Sonic realized how cramped it was, even for his size.

"Okay, since I have no experience in teaching how to drive, you release the break, put the car into drive and don't floor it. Just tap the gas gently." Knuckles said.

"And then, I put the brake back on?"

"Only when you park."

"So the car stops automatically when it's a red light?"

"You're hopeless." Knuckles did all the preparations for Sonic. Sonic just wanted to learn to drive. He tapped the gas gently, but not gently enough. The car shot off onto the street and both of them screamed as Sonic tried to steer clear of anything.

"TREE!!! CAR!!! TREE!!! TREE!!! LIGHT!!! GAH!!! PUT ON THE BRAKE!!!" Knuckles screamed. Sonic pulled on the hand break and the car span off a huge ditch and all 4 wheels came off the ground. As Sonic's side of the car tilted towards the ground, he could see Tails looking right back at him, his face pale and his mouth open.

After a huge explosion, Knuckles pushed back what remained of his car and Sonic called out, "So I guess that makes you the principal?"

Knuckles didn't answer, so Sonic took that as a yes. After trampling over a half-dead Tails, he headed back home.

* * *

It was rare to see Blaze teaching at all, but when she did, everything seemed more peaceful than when she was around. She had an easy job in the remedial class and all she had to talk about was the alphabet.

"This is uh… A." Blaze said.

"L!" The students repeated. Blaze put her face into her hand. She didn't like this class one bit.

* * *

Silver was the only lucky one, although he wasn't aware of it. He thought this was any normal high school, where teachers had a certain amount of respect, but little did he know that the teachers were being abused here. He wanted to be a teacher instead of the Janitor. He decided that he was going to reapply for a job next morning.

* * *

Knuckles had just finished practicing his speech to give as a new principal. After students crowded into the auditorium, he started. The students were bored, but none of them fell asleep yet. Knuckles kept on rambling about cheesy stuff.

"Don't think of me as any old principal; think of me as your princi-pal!" Knuckles smiled and gave students a thumbs-up. All the students suddenly jumped up and started beating the crap out of Knuckles and started an auditorium-wide riot.

* * *

Since all students were busy with their riot, the teachers had some time to talk.

"I'm having a hard time in my class, the students are pushing me into the pool all the time, and you'd think I would have learned to swim by now." Sonic said.

"Well, my honours class is going pretty well." Shadow said. "Especially this one student. His name is Gary Stu, and he gets strait A's and he is very popular among girls. Plus he's awfully good looking."

"My class is just a pain. All the students are retarded. They can't tell the difference between an apple and subatomic particles in the atom of an apple. IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY!!! Also, they try to sound smart by using big words like 'onomatopoeia'. They think it means pie!" Tails complained.

"You're telling me that? I got the stupid remedial class! They all think the word 'apple' starts with a 'Q'!" Blaze said. Suddenly, a whole horde of students burst into the room and all the teachers scream. Except for Knuckles. He's been rushed to the hospital.


	4. Would You All Stop Puking

"Check that, I got to be a teacher!" Silver said in front of Blaze after reapplying for a job.

"Too bad." Blaze said as she walked to the kitchen.

"What do you mean too bad?" Silver questioned as he followed Blaze.

"Sonic's getting stuffed in an oven preheated to broil." Blaze said. She peeked through the window on the door as students shoved Sonic in the oven and locked the over door. The students didn't watch, because they left the kitchen trying to figure out how Knuckles was going to fit into the smaller classroom ovens.

Silver watched in horror as he backed away from the door.

"Is this what happens to all the teachers?" He asked Blaze.

"Yeah, but that's not all…" Blaze said as she turned to face Silver. "Look at this."

"What? T-That?" Silver pointed at the fork Blaze just held up.

"Yeah."

"What's wrong with that?"

"The students bent it 3 degrees to the right!"

"AAAAAHHH!!!" Silver ran down the hallway. Blaze chuckled to herself. Nothing beats scaring the crap out of Silver. Suddenly, a loud bang came from the kitchen. As Blaze walked through the kitchen door, she found that Sonic managed to break the oven door and get out. As Sonic got up, he saw Blaze standing in front of him.

"How did it feel in there?" Blaze asked.

"Burning…" Sonic said.

"Hey, it's alright now, ain't it?" Blaze said as she patted Sonic on the shoulder, which she quickly regretted. Sonic was just as hot as the oven.

* * *

It was a rainy day, and the students didn't bother coming to school, so all the teachers in the school were the only things existing in the school. Or so they thought. About a hundred students still came today and they've been torturing Knuckles in his office the entire time so the teachers didn't notice them. They were busy enjoying themselves when a beat-up Knuckles ran up to Sonic.

"Sonic! Help! The students put a shock collar on me that shocks me whenever I feel pain!" Knuckles said.

"Oh nonsense, there are no students here today!" Sonic said.

"There are! They put a shock collar on me!"

"You should take that collar off, it looks really silly." Sonic said as he lightly hit Knuckles on the arm.

"Ow!" Knuckles said as he rubbed his arm. "AAAAAIIIEEEEE!!!" Knuckles screamed as the shock collar shocked him. Then shocked him again from the pain the electric charge was giving him.

"Whoa! Neat! How'd you do those realistic effects?" Sonic asked. A furious Knuckles put his finger on Sonic's hand. Then, the shock collar released another charge, electrocuting both of them.

"I… see." Sonic said as he drew his numb hand away from Knuckles' finger.

"Shocking, isn't it?" Knuckles replied.

* * *

"So… Is Sonic out of the oven yet?" Silver asked Blaze.

"Yeah." Blaze replied.

"How is he?"

"I think he's really hot." Blaze said. (Insert cheering SonicXBlaze fans here)

"WHAT!? HOT?" Silver screamed.

"Yeah, I mean look at my hand! I burned myself while patting him on the shoulder!" Blaze said as she held up her hand.

"Oh, so that's what you mean."

"Yeah, what other definition is there?"

"So… You don't have an interest in him"

"No, I'm not interested in anyone."

(Insert SonicXBlaze fans plotting my untimely demise in my bushes outside my window here)

(Insert SilverXBlaze fans plotting my untimely demise in my bushes outside my window here)

(Insert ShadowXBlaze fans plotting my untimely demise in my bushes outside my window here)

(Insert VectorXBlaze fans plotting my untimely demise in my bushes outside my window here)

(Insert EspioXBlaze fans plotting my untimely demise in my bushes outside my window here)

(Insert TailsXBlaze fans plotting my untimely demise in my bushes outside my window here)

(Insert KnucklesXBlaze fans plotting my untimely demise in my bushes outside my window here)

(Insert EggmanXBlaze fans plotting my… Actually, we can do without that.)

(Insert BigXBlaze fans plotting my untimely demise in my bushes outside my window here)

(Insert JetXBlaze fans plotting my untimely demise in my bushes outside my window here)

Sonic looked out the window.

"Hey, you see that?" Sonic asked anyone nearby.

"What?" Tails came over.

"I wonder what those guys are doing…"

"You mean the ones hiding in the bushes outside that house?"

"Exactly."

"Hmm… Weird. Maybe it's just hide and seek."

"Let's leave it at that."

* * *

The next day was a beautiful day. Until the teachers see the little black rain cloud on top of the school. The students were waiting for the teachers at the gate, and Sonic, taking advantage of his speed, charged through the students. The students started to chase him in hot pursuit, but knowing that they couldn't catch up with him, they got a bunch of fighter jets to chase Sonic in the hallways.

"Fighter jets? Come on, they don't even fit in the hallway!" Sonic complained.

Suddenly, the hallway became much bigger.

"Me and my big mouth." Sonic mumbled as he went into the bathroom to hide. No students noticed him going into the bathroom, so Sonic felt safe.

"Halk! Who goes there?" Demanded a booming voice coming from one of the bathroom stalls.

"Uh... Isn't it supposed to be 'Hark who goes there'?" Sonic asked.

"Hey! Shut up!"

Sonic crept up to the stall and opened the door. Inside was a talking toilet.

"AAH!" Sonic screamed.

"What, never seen a toilet before? Back in my day, kids used to give toilets respect!"

"S-Sorry, I'm just not used to this."

"Also, there's a black hedgehog in the stall over there, you might want to pick him up on your way out."

"Uh… Thanks." Sonic opened the other stall, to see Shadow and his head stuck down the toilet. Sonic got Shadow out and walked to the exit.

"AH HA HA HA HA HA!!! THEY'RE GGGREAT!!! HABLAGABLAPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!" Shadow spewed out the gibberish like a machine gun.

Whatever has happened today, Sonic was definitely not going to forget this.


	5. He Back with Vengence! Not Pickles!

A weekend to rest and to avoid the students. That was what Sonic wanted to last forever. Unfortunately, he'd have to go back after Sunday, but nobody could really take it anymore, so they thought of plans to avoid the school without any lawsuits.

"Hey, I think we need to figure out a way to quit our jobs." Sonic said in front of everyone else.

"And I think we should all be more patriotic to the United States of America! (Insert a bunch of people gasping and someone in the foreground fainting at the sight of a really long country name)" Tails put in.

"Shut it Tails!" Sonic said. "We need to get rid of the contract we are under, but I doubt we really will be able to do that."

"YES WE CAN!!!" Tails said patriotically.

"Shut up!" Sonic snapped.

"I think we should go for the school board to ask about cancelling the contract." Knuckles said. Everyone agreed.

"Then it's settled; we are going to go to the school board to sort things out!" Sonic said.

"GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!" Tails said as an American flag was lowered into the background and a band appears out of nowhere and plays the national anthem.

The plan failed.

* * *

Another Monday at the school, and the students charged towards the teachers again. The wary teachers looked up, spotted the students, and ran for their lives. _RUNNING!!!_ The teachers ran into different classrooms and locked the door. As Sonic locked his door, he heard a very familiar voice.

"SONIC!!!"

It was Amy.

Sonic started screaming and jumped out the window, just to realize that Amy _was_ outside the window. Sonic fell right in front of Amy.

"SONIC!!!" Amy started crushing Sonic with hugs as Sonic gave out a high-pitched scream. Tails looked out the window just in time to see what was going on.

"I'll save you, Sonic!" Tails cried as he dropped a bunch of Statue of Liberty lawn ornaments (which converted into awfully deadly projectiles as they fell) towards Sonic, which by coincidence pinned Sonic to the ground (I don't want to think how that is possible if he's naked), giving Amy more time and less effort to hug him. Sonic screamed more than his entire life.

It turns out that after Amy spotted Sonic at the school board, she decided to be a student here so she could be with Sonic and pass the English course she failed.

* * *

"I have to quit!" Sonic screamed in front of Tails.

"That's nice, try to help me open this pack of American president puzzles. It's the new edition, it even has Obama in it!" Tails said.

"Stupid contract…" Sonic said to himself. At least he didn't teach English. Suddenly, the superintendent came and patted Sonic on the shoulder.

"Sonic, old buddy, how's it going?" He asked.

"Who are you?" Sonic asked.

"I don't care, you're teaching English." The superintendent replied as he left.

"Well this sucks." Sonic said.

* * *

Sonic has never been so scared in his life. Teaching English with Amy in the class. As he walked into the classroom, Amy immediately threw herself on Sonic and the rest of the students pummelled Sonic and stole his wallet to buy iPods. After class, Sonic went back to teaching PE, but Amy was also in one of his PE girls courses, and Sonic screamed and ran down the hallway with his arms flailing about.

At the end of the day, an exhausted Sonic walked down the hallway towards the main gate, when he heard Blaze muttering to herself in one of the classrooms about something. As Sonic entered the classroom, he saw Blaze with a bucket and a sponge scrubbing the floor.

"I hate this job so much" Blaze muttered.

"What's wrong?" Sonic asked.

"Superintendent made me a teacher _and_ a janitor without much extra pay so the school board could save money." Blaze said. "Still, it could've been worse. Shadow is the designated toilet scrubber."

"WHAT!?" Sonic immediately dashed towards the men's room, and as he burst in, he saw Shadow in a shirt and tie.

"What are you all dressed up for?" Sonic asked.

"Oh, I wanted to make a good impression on my first day of this new part-time job!" Shadow said. "Now help me hold this plunger, there's a nasty one in the one over there. Plunge when I tell you to."

"You know what? I'm not going to do this." Sonic said as he dropped the plunger.

Shadow, not noticing what Sonic did, continued talking. "I also made a new friend, his name is Steve." Shadow opened one of the stalls to reveal the talking toilet from chapter 3. Or was it 4? I can't decide. What about you? Okay, whatever you say.

"Oh, you again." Sonic said as he saw Steve.

"Do you mind? Someone's in here!" Steve said.

"Duh! You're a toilet, you're always in here!" Sonic said.

"So what? You can't just bust in like this! Back in my day, children used to give toilets respect!"

"I know that, you told me last time!"

"Where's the respect?"

"And where's my spoon?" Shadow butt in.

"Hey, is everything alright in here?" one of the other teachers came in to the bathroom.

"No it's not. Back in his day, kids used to give toilets respect!" Sonic said.

"You got a problem?" Steve said.

"Yeah!"

"What I am currently saying has no relevance to this conversation whatsoever!" Shadow butt in again.

"A-MEN!!!" Tails popped out of one of the toilets holding an American flag.

"Tails, get lost!" Sonic said.

"I just wanted to be patriotic to one of the better nations in the world!" Tails said. (Notice how I said better, not best. We'll leave that for Canada).

"Ugh!" Sonic picked up a plunger and flushed Tails back down the toilet.

* * *

"Wherefore art thou, Romeo?" Shadow was trying to teach the honours students Shakespeare, but it wasn't going very well, because they students already seemed to know Shakespeare like the back of their hands. Shadow wondered why he still tried. Then suddenly, the classroom door blasted open and barely missed Shadow as it flew out the window. Blaze quickly rolled into the classroom super spy style.

"What are you trying to do? They were in the middle of a touching love story!" Shadow wiped away a tear.

"I smell toast." Blaze replied as she got up and snatched a piece of half-eaten toast from a student.

"Does that have to do with you busting through the door like that?" Shadow asked.

"I didn't eat breakfast, so I got hungry." Blaze said as she started eating the toast.

"How did you even know this guy had toast, you're class is on the other side of the school!" Shadow said.

"A cat's keen sense of hearing can help her identify her prey." Blaze replied. Suddenly, her ears twitched. "SANDWICH!!!" Blaze ran down the hallway with her arms waving everywhere, and as she ran out of sight, Shadow heard another door being blasted open.

Out of sheer boredom, I made myself a sandwich. I also decided to have Shadow's head back in the toilet.

"HAHAHA!!! FOOOOOOD!!!" Shadow screamed maniacally as Sonic pulled him out of the toilet again.

**Next time…**

Gary Stu gets straight A's!

Gary Stu gets all the girls!

Gary Stu meets Mary Sue!

Gary Stu…

Gary Stu is too perfect for words to describe. He's so… hard to describe.

Shadow discovers the true meaning of "apostrophe"!

Gary Stu is perfect!

Gary Stu is nothing like those fakers… Gary Stoo, Gary Stew, Gary Stud, Edward Collins (The list goes on)

Question of the day!

Who's head is shaped like a pressure cooker?

Why, Erazor Djinn, of course!...

...Who is Erazor Djinn, anyways?


	6. Be Nice Meaning to a Child: Kill

Yeah, this chapter probably doesn't have much to do with students, but I just had some great ideas and thought I might as well add them. It shouldn't be too long until I'm back to focusing on students and GARY STU!!! HE'S A MUST!!! I SHOULD BE ARRESTED FOR NOT INCLUDING HIM IN THIS CHAPTER!!!

* * *

Just out of sheer boredom: WINDOWS 7, BI-

* * *

"Hey, Tails. What'cha doin'?" Sonic asked.

"I'm thinking of a motto for myself." Tails replied. "I've been thinking of 'In God I Trust', what do you think?"

"Tails, you're taking this patriotism too far, get over it!" Sonic said.

"…Or maybe 'Brought to you by Carl's Jr." Tails said, not listening to Sonic.

"GET OVER IT!!!" Sonic screamed as he stomped off.

* * *

Silver walked through the hallway to try to find Shadow a plunger, but he quickly stopped as he saw Sonic and Blaze kissing. Silver's eyes widened.

"YYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Silver screamed. He looked around. It was just a nightmare. "Woah! That's was nuts, man!" After he calmed down, he looked at the clock. It was 5:40. He didn't have much more time to sleep, so he got up early and got ready for the school.

Silver arrived at the school early so he wouldn't get caught by the students. Suddenly, Silver heard the Indiana Jones theme song play, and before he knew it, Silver was running for his life down the hallway with a huge boulder right behind him. Then, Silver got an idea. He was going to run out of the school. The boulder couldn't turn at will anyways. He just escaped being crushed as he ran out of the school gates. Silver just caught his breath when another boulder appeared out of nowhere and rolled towards him again.

"WTL!!! Or… was it WTR?... I can't really… Uh… Where am I?" Silver suddenly felt confused, but that quickly turned into running again as the boulder was right behind him, yet again. He made a turn down the nearest intersection, but the boulder followed.

"Oh come on! This isn't fair!" Silver screamed. To make things worse, he reached a dead end. Silver and turned around and started screaming. The rock hit him, but it was simply made out of paper with a speaker inside and it bounced off Silver and burst into flames and disintegrated and Silver felt relieved again and danced the night away.

"The run-on sentence kind of killed it" Silver said. A bystander came up to Silver and said that he saved the town from destruction. The bystander, who was a pretty girl, kissed Silver. She then disappeared and a real boulder appeared.

"WWWHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Sonic screamed. "WOOOAAH!!! That was really off the walls! And… I got kissed by a girl in my dream… Score." Sonic smiled to himself. He got up and opened the curtains in the kitchen, just to find out it snowed during the night.

"Oh great. The students are going to throw snowballs with bombs in them at us now." Blaze said as she walked out of her room, obviously noticing the snow outside.

"Oh well. I heard the school is giving all the teachers BMW's so they would keep working so they would have a sufficient amount of teachers so the students would get proper education so they would grow up to be lawyers so their moms will be proud so they can afford to buy a house so they can live in it." Sonic said.

Blaze looked at Sonic's sentence. "That's a pretty long one." She commented.

"That's what she said."

"At least we're getting cars so we would have a decent amount of protection." Blaze said.

"And a safe place to keep MAH SPOOOOOOONS!!!" said a very obnoxious Shadow as he popped out of nowhere. Everybody then decided to toss the spoons out the window.

* * *

The school parking lot, which used to be empty, was now filled with BMW sedans, but the events in the school were still the same. Children laughing (maniacally) teachers passing (panicked) meeting trap after trap. Also, the Beatles are going to sue me for using their Silver Bells song as a reference. I just hope I win.

School ends again, and Sonic follows his daily routine of picking Shadow out of the toilet before he leaves. When he opened the bathroom door, Shadow wasn't in any toilets, but dressed as Mario.

"Guess what?" Shadow said enthusiastically. "I've been made a part-time plumber, and Mario has been made a part time teacher to fill me in!"

"No I'm not; I'm going to train for winter Olympics in CANADA (!) For the Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games event" (Cheap advertising is fun)

Suddenly, Steve jumps out and tries to eat Sonic.

"YAAAAAAA!!!" Sonic screamed. Suddenly, his eyes opened his eyes and found out that he was lying on the classroom floor. "Phew, that was the worst one yet!"

"Sonic! I was so worried! I thought you were seriously hurt when that kid threw that desk on you! Thank goodness you're okay!" Shadow screamed as he started shaking Sonic really hard. Sonic pushed him aside and got up. At least the cars for the teachers were still there. And (unfortunately, due to explosives hidden in the spherical version of them) the snow.

Sonic decided just to walk home because he felt he was in no condition to drive. He had no driver's license, anyways.

* * *

The next day was a weekend, so Sonic didn't have to worry about students. Suddenly Blaze shoved Sonic over.

"You didn't think you'd escape that easily, right?" Blaze said.

"Uh… Uh?" Sonic was confused.

"I figured you were the one who changed my car's tires to summer tires. I had a heck of a time just trying to drive down the parking lot."

"No no no, I didn't change any tires at all!" Sonic said.

"Well, how come your car is the only one that has all-season tires on them?" Blaze asked.

"You use all-season tires? Why?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's more affordable! We're tight on cash! You guys have to change tires every 3 months, whereas you only change all-seasons when they pop! Silver! Bring Ze Stik!" Silver came over and handed Blaze a club with a huge sharp nail through it. "Now you get a taste of punishment from waaaay high up!"

"Hey, just because you're a princess doesn't mean you get to… Oh wait. You're serious." Sonic just realized that. "This sucks."

"EEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!" Shadow shot strait up, just to find out that everything that just happened was all a dream. He was 2 different people in one night. At least it was over. Suddenly, his door creaked open and Steve came into the room.

"I had a bad dream and I want to stay with you." Steve said.

"OH, COME ON!!!" Shadow said. "I only have one blanket!"

"WOAH, THAT'S DISTURBING!!!" Tails shot strait up, just to find he was alone in a classroom, with a broken table beside him. He probably was knocked unconscious by it. Sonic then came in holding Shadow with his head soaked and mumbling about food and spitting everywhere.

"There you are, Tails. Here, hold Shadow." Sonic dropped Shadow in front of Tails. "Let's go home."

Sonic led Tails downstairs to the main gate. Sonic opened the door, and suddenly, he started screaming nonstop.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!" Sonic screamed.

"Come on, Sonic, it can't be that cold."

Suddenly, a huge speaker fell from the ceiling and fell behind Tails. It started speaking.

"You are hereby BANISHED from the United States!"

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"WOOOOAAAHH!!!" Sonic shot strait up again. "I'm never dreaming again!" Sonic panted for a while, until he made sure everything was completely back to normal. Sonic relaxed a bit. Suddenly, his bedroom door opened and a huge green monster appeared.

"Did you miss me?" The monster smiled.

Sonic put his hand on his head. "That's the last time I take drugs."


	7. Essays Guaranteed to get that Diploma

**This is actually a special chapter because it centers around the works of students. This chapter took a surprisingly long amount of time to write so I hope you all enjoy it. Also, add a comment saying whether I should add any more of these chapters in the future or not.**

* * *

Blaze was "trying" to teach her remedial class how to write paragraphs, although having any of their sentences make sense was considered a breakthrough. As class ended, all the students tripped out of the door, leaving their "well-written" paragraphs on her desk. Since she had no more class for the rest of the day, she started to try to mark them. Notice how I typed try. She picked up the first sheet of paper from the pile. It was titled "Our School".

Our School

School of Anti-Matter is one of earth's worst institutions of holy learning. The student body is composed of a billion males and 5 billion co-existing garages. The co-existing garages get the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the cooperative school , which features boiled 5th dimension paradoxes and Death Guy sandwiches, with all the drink drink they can drink for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, Him, is raising money to build a new guy needs water laboratory and a new football desert. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very unreliable.

Blaze gave it 90%, because there was only one slight spelling mistake.

* * *

Shadow assigned all the honours students in his English class to write a summary on Snow White. Unfortunately, Shadow felt that the nerds were making fun of his teaching, because all of their papers turned out to be something weird.

Snow White

One of the most popular fairy tales of all time is Snow White and the Seven Women. Snow White is a princess whose unattractive beauty threatens her stepmother, the queen and her two stepsisters, who are very sexy. Snow White is forced to flee from the miniskirt in which she lives and hide in the nearby retard. Once there, she is discovered by helpless animals who guide her to the non-existing cottage of the seven dwarfs. The dwarfs come home from digging in their mine and discover Snow White asleep in their doom. The dwarfs take care of her until a prince, who has traveled the four corners of Facebook in search of Snow Brown, arrives and gives her a magical thing on her facial hair, which miraculously brings her back to life. Snow White and the prince live unattractively ever after.

Shadow looked at it. Then again. And again. Finally, he gave it a 50. _**Pass**_.

* * *

Sonic was walking down the hallway when a student tripped him over and gave him a late homework assignment. Then he kicked him a few times and left Sonic for dead. It was a short essay on Alexander the Great. Great. More papers to mark.

Alexander the Great

In 356 B.C., Philip of Macedonia, the ruler of a province in the northern Greece, became the father of a bouncing broken refrigerator named Alexander. Alexander's teacher was Aristotle, the famous chicken and the road. When he was 20 years old, his father was murdered by Sonic the Porcupine, after which he became muddy dirt collection of all Macedonia. In 334, he invaded Persia and defeated Hedgehog the Sonic at the battle of Over There. Later at Arbela, he won his most important victory, over Darius the Third. This made him swamp hedgehogafy over all Persians. Then he marched to India and many of his plants died. After that, Alexander began drinking too much evaporated water and at the age of 33, he died of an infection in the blood, but just a little. His last words are reported to have been, "There are no more old guys who follow you to conquer."

Sonic, still lying on the ground read through the essay a second time, noticed where it picked on India and its dryness. 60%, for picking on India.

* * *

Blaze was still marking papers, and one of the students went as far as creating his own story with a moral.

A Story with a Moral

There once was a very cruel dictator. He would go into foreign La La Lands and bring back frozen grapes. He taxed his own people and made them give him roasted pigs as payment for farming the land. Finally, some magnificent and glorious shoes that bite feet got fed up and organized a protest. They fought the oppression by carrying signs that said that the dictator was a guy named Rick. After many years of revolt, they finally furiously slapped the dictator. For punishment, he had to marry an unopenable parachute and live in Butthead Face and sew little frilly angry people for the rest of his life.

Moral: A stitch in poo saves roasted pigs.

"Not bad…" Blaze said to herself. "Not even one spelling mistake. I haven't been this amazed since Shadow didn't end up in the toilet after school that one day." Blaze gave it %100 percent %.

Just for the heck of it: %%%%%%%%%%%%percent%%%%!!!

* * *

Shadow was writing a very, very, very, **VERY** hard math test for his honours students.

If it is 9:00 a.m. Eastern clean Time in New York, what time is it in York of Newness?

Johnny bought a pencil for $20,000, a notebook for free and a loose-leaf really huge tower for $1.75. If he had ten dollars when he left home, how many really huge towers falling over would he end up with?

If I had a bucket that holds 2 litres of water and another bucket that holds 5 litres, how many buckets do I have?

Two girls had 10 apples each. If the first girl traded four apples for six bunch of random toilets and the second girl traded 2010 apples for two oranges, how many cars crashing would each of them have left?

Shadow reviewed the test to himself and smiled. It was very hard indeed. Then he added to the test:

Anyone who flunks this obsessive mathematics test will have to stay after school and wash the gentle breeze.

Of course, no one actually passed the test because Shadow wouldn't let them.


	8. Turnips Make You Flatulent

Hello, everyone. I hope you enjoyed my story, but there comes a time when you have to put that humour aside. Now I pay tribute to our dearly departed Dr. Professor. He has made many life-saving discoveries in his life time, including the cure for hair loss, and having Super Glue actually work. He has also appeared in many Oscar-winning movies, such as "The Birthday Cake Spewing Blood" and "Home Grown Feet Getting Closer to Me", and starred as the ever famous "Elephant Monkey Princess", but he was most well known for the movie "Super Duper Undercover Super Hero Spies". Now, let us have a moment of silence for him.

We now return to: Star Wars

"Luke! I am your father!"

"Works for me!"

The End

WHAT A TWIST!!!

* * *

"We have thought of various strategies to improve the connections between our students and teachers..."

Knuckles was sitting through a meeting about how teachers and students get along better. He sighed, and thought whether any of the ideas would work on the students in his school or not.

Meanwhile, in Sonic's English class, he invited a few guest speakers to show the students how to "debate professionally". The students were rather interested in the presentation, but the debaters themselves made Sonic think whether they were professions or not.

"The reason other countries hate us is because of all the resources we have compared to them, not because we have better sounding names." Speaker 1 from the negative side said.

"BUY MY BOOK OR DIE!!!" Speaker number two replied.

"And this is um... Debating!" Sonic quickly concluded.

Class ended shortly afterwards, and Sonic felt relieved to be in the teacher's lounge with some peace and quiet. Tails was staring at a laptop computer.

"Tails, is that a new laptop computer? How did you afford it?" Sonic asked.

"I found a couple thousand dollars on the ground and decided to buy myself a really good laptop instead of doing the right thing and sharing it with you guys or giving it to the cops!" Tails replied swiftly as he continued to stare at the screen.

"Hey, did you hear? The school board, in a desperate attempt to improve teacher-student relationships in the entire city, is having students stay at their teacher's houses for the weekend." Blaze said as she walked in. Then she looked at Tails. "Tails, what are you doing?"

"I'm reading fanfics, don't talk to me while I'm reading!" Tails snapped back.

"Um... Read any interesting... fanfics lately?" Sonic asked Tails.

"I'm seeing this really popular paring going around. Ever heard of SilverXBlaze? It's the worst paring possible!"

"But I thought a lot of people liked that paring."

"Like? What kind of messed up fanfics have you been reading?"

"I don't read any"

"Admit it! You're just ashamed because you read horrible fanfics written by a weird Canadian guy who calls himself 'Ultra Orunitia'! You need to get a life and read something even resembling a story! You can't beat his horribleness!"

* * *

After reading what I wrote about myself, I think I'll cut myself.

* * *

Knuckles entered the teacher's lounge, handing everyone in there a piece of paper.

"This is a form you have to fill in because it's 100% necessary that we take a few students in for the weekend." Sonic took one and reluctantly started filling the form because he knew he had no choice.

"Um, Blaze, what is the name of the highschool? I don't think anyone ever mentioned it before." Sonic said.

"Uh... Just put in High School Zone." Blaze replied. Sonic continued to fill in his form, and handed it back to Knuckles, who was apparently beaten up by a kid with a lawnmower.

* * *

Just two days later, Sonic was walking down peacefully when he comes across a body on the floor. It appeared to be one of the teachers. He looked quite dead, and didn't move when he poked him. Sonic started to panic.

"Uh... Uh..." Sonic couldn't say anything. He looked around. Silver was walking towards him, but he was reading a book, not noticing the body.

"Silver! This teacher, he's... I think he's d-dead!" Sonic said. Silver looked up, seeing the dead body.

"Is he... really dead?" Silver asked as he approached the body! (Whoa, exclamation mark was used!)

"Of course he's dead, he's not moving!"

"Uh... Keep calm... What do we do?"

"The students are probably going to be after us next!"

"Uh-oh, that's not good!"

"No, it isn't! We have to do something!"

"What can we do? This guy's dead!"

"Oh my gosh..."

"This guy is honestly most sincerely dead!"

"Oh my goodness, what do we do?"

"They're probably after us right now!"

"We have to hide!"

"Uh..."

"AAH!!!"

"AAH!!!"

"AAH!!!"

"AAH!!!"

"AAH!!!"

"AAH!!!"

"AAH!!!"

"WAIT!!!"

"WHAT???"

"Maybe this guy isn't really dead, but he just looks dead!"

"I doubt it. That only happens in the lamest stories."

Suddenly, the teacher yawned and got up.

"Hi, that was a good nap!" He said to Sonic and Silver, "You should try it sometimes, this floor is really comfortable!" The teacher then left, leaving Sonic and Silver alone again. They decided that it was best not to comment on the situation. All they did was get on the ground and took a nap in an attempt to forget all about this.

* * *

It was the weekend, and Sonic took in one of the students from his class. She had red hair, a very, **very** tall and named Bob and so macho it was scary.

"Hey!" Shadow suddenly said, "You know what this story needs? Character pairings! You know, character kissing other fan characters! That kind of stuff!" Shadow immediately grabbed Sonic and started kissing.

"Hey, stop it! I'm not a fan character!" Sonic screamed as he pulled away. Shadow walked off, disappointed, while Sonic just stood there and thought about the event that suddenly made this story so disturbing and is driving all my readers away right now.

What? Still here? You must be one of those stupid people. Hey, stupid! I have deeply offended myself. I am so unhappy now. You know what would cheer me up? A sandwich!

* * *

The next week, everything was back to normal. Things went pretty well with Bob, given that she was sleeping the entire time.

Sonic was pretty happy until he came across a bulletin. He's heard many rumours and stories about it. Next week it was about to happen for real. Sonic took a deep breath. He had kept his hopes that it wouldn't happen this year, but it has all been crushed. This was it: the dreaded parent-teacher interviews.


	9. My Name is Gregory Doo, Yahoo!

"You're gonna eat it, and you're gonna like it!" Blaze screamed at Tails, while forcing him to eat a plate of spinach.

"I can't eat that hunk of junk!" Tails screamed back.

"If you're a picky eater, you're going to die." Blaze replied.

"I'm not a picky eater! That spinach has been around for 3 months! It's starting to decompose! I can't eat that stuff anymore! Just smell it!" Tails said as he took the plate and tossed out the window, followed by a crack and someone falling on the street. It was Bill. Oh no! Not Bill! Why is the world so cruel to Bill? I hope Bill is okay!

Sonic walked into the kitchen holding a piece of paper.

"Okay, Tails. I came up with a list of lies I'm going to be telling the parents on the parent-teacher meeting." Sonic said. "I'm going to tell everyone that their kids are going to be the best students in Harvard, with 100% averages. That'll earn us respect from the students!"

"Help meeee!" Tails said as a spoonful of decaying vegetables got shoved down his throat. Tails was choking. Because that's what people do when they eat bad stuff. They choke. And get diarrhea. Gee, let's hope you're not eating, because that'll be your own fault. You should have read the invisible warning before reading this story.

Sonic started hitting Tails on the back real hard.

"NO! Stop that! It knocks the food further down the trachea!" Tails said.

"You mean the air pipe! The trachea is actually not part of the esophagus, which is in no way related to any gall bladder diseases." Sonic said.

"What?"

"Don't worry about choking. If you can survive till tomorrow, you're in luck. That's when the Heimlich maneuver is due to being invented!" Sonic said.

"Gee, what help you are." Tails said as he coughed up a piece of weird stuff out his mouth.

"Hey, I have an announcement here, Silver said as he came into the room" Silver said as he came into the room.

"Narrate your actions one more time and that's it for you, pal!" Tails threatened.

"You know the student we had over at our house a while ago?" Silver asked.

"Yeah." Sonic replied **MENACINGLY!**

"Turns out, though, that she was actually a spy from China, and the students don't actually come until next week!" Silver said.

"Son of a dude! We have to put up with another week of that?" Sonic said.

"That's going to stink!" Tails said.

"I can't stand another week with students in our house!" Blaze said.

"Hey, isn't anyone even wondering why China would send a spy into our house?" Silver asked.

"Quiet, Silver. We're sulking." Sonic commanded.

"Come on! China sent a secret agent into our house for two days! Aren't you guys the least bit suspicious of a conspiracy going around?" Silver asked.

"You're going to be quiet and you're gonna like it!" Blaze threatened.

"To think that China would send a spy into our house! We have to warn the government about China!" Silver said.

"SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!" Tails screamed. Silver went quiet and that was the end of that.

* * *

The parent-teacher interviews were tomorrow, and Sonic was trying to organize the lies he wrote about the students in a convincing manner. The students were too quiet though, which caused Sonic to be unable to concentrate, because we all know what that means! …or do we? OOOHHH! SUSPENSE!

Sonic started to really panic as he the sun started to set, because he still had such a long way to go before his lies could come out convincing. Before long it was already eleven o' clock. Sonic decided to go to bed then work on it at the school while the other students were beating up Knuckles and performing dangerous magic tricks involving chainsaws with Shadow.

* * *

The next day, Sonic was just about to start working on his lies when Knuckles came over and said that all teachers were required to attend a workshop about teen suicides issued by the school board. Sonic let out a cry of despair and followed Knuckles to the classroom where the workshop was taking place. And that was also when Sonic realized that there were no students in the school today due to the workshop.

The entire workshop (which lasted 5 hours) consisted of a man saying teens may commit suicide if they're feeling sad or not beating up any teachers. And then it showed a kid saying that he was going to jump off a building while the Piano Concerto No.1 by Peter Iliac Tchaikovsky played in the background over and over again. It was so interesting that Sonic forgot about his lies until it finished. The interview was in 2 hours, there wasn't enough time. Sonic immediately grabbed a pen and started scribbling on it. After an hour and forty-five minutes, Sonic finished his piece of art about the dog. Now it was time to work on his lies. Too late. No more time.

* * *

Sonic prepared himself for the interview and set up his table. Before long, the parents arrived and sat with the teachers according to the schedule. A mother sat in front of Sonic.

"Hello, Mr.…" she looked at Sonic's nametag. "Mr. the Hedgehog."

"I'd prefer being called by 'Sonic'." Sonic replied.

"Yes, I'm sorry, Mr. the Hedgehog."

"And stop apologizing."

"Yes, I'm sorry, Mr. the Hedgehog."

"So, your child's doing great." Sonic said as he got more and more nervous. His voice started to quiver and he started to sweat as he tried to improvise lies. "Your son's going to become the best Harvard student with his 'A' average and his extreme understanding in um… uh… r-re-remedial sciences."

"Remedial what?"

"I mean advanced sciences! Sorry! Anyways, your son is very s-sm-smar-uh… intelligent."

"I have a daughter."

"That's nice, but we're talking about your son right now."

"Oh! Such rudeness! I ought to report you to the school board so they can fire you!"

"I hope you do, lady."

"Oh, your rudeness is immeasurable by any scale! I hope someone stabs your ugly face!" the mother got up and left.

"So you're going to report me, right?" Sonic called out. The mother simply ignored him. Sonic didn't have time to think because another parent sat down in front of him. He was with his son. This made things so much harder for Sonic.

"Um… He's doing good, moving along." Sonic said as he shoved them off the chairs.

* * *

3 hours has passed and the interview was finally over. The sun was starting to set, and Sonic was walking down the hallway on his way home. Suddenly, at least ten students jumped out of a classroom and ambushed Sonic.

Sonic was knocked down, but he got up and started running for his life.

"Gee, I hope nobody will search in the library!" Sonic said as he ran into the library. Sonic expected the students to come rushing into the library, but they just ran past. Sonic hid under a table for ten minutes. It was the longest ten minutes of his life. When he felt safe, he got up and walked towards the door. Suddenly, he felt rumbling. Sonic backed up into a bookshelf and started hyperventilating. Suddenly, twelve tanks crashed into the classroom, each with students inside. Four arms extended from the tanks and dug into the ground to hold the tank in place, and the lethal part of the tank, the canon (or whatever you call lethal parts of tanks) gave out a dangerous-sounding high-pitched mechanical whine.

"Gee this is taking awhile." Sonic said, half finished with a can of Nestea he bought while waiting for the tanks to get prepared. Suddenly, a bright flash came from the canon as it fired and Sonic suddenly finds himself flying over Afghanistan.


	10. This Chapter Gives Diplomatic Immunity

"Yes… yes… okay, I'll be sure to check. Yes he does. Um, no, he can't. Uh, no that's not legal. Hey, wait, who are you?" Blaze was still answering calls from parents who didn't have enough time to ask all their questions. "Ma'am, if you do that, I have to call the cops. No, I am NOT fat. How is that even relevant? Yes, he has undone homework. Uh… I heard that. No, you can't poke my eye out. Yes, I can light 300 candles with less than 200 matches. Yes, I can light all of them with a snap from my fingers. Yes, I can burn down your house with a barbecue lighter and ten tons of car fuel. Wait, why are you asking me this? Are you a spy from China?" _CLICK!_ The person hung up. Odd, isn't it? INTENSE!

* * *

Right, soap operas are so individualized! The prosecution is not ready! What?

* * *

Sonic was teaching English when Tails barged in.

"Sonic, a parent has sued you for being really rude to her. I have been appointed your lawyer." Tails said.

"What? Sued? And you're my lawyer? You barely passed law school! You were studying to become a prosecutor anyways!" Sonic said.

"Well I did. You're coming with me. I'm you're defense attorney whether you like it or not! Rudeness is a crime against nature and mankind! DIE DIE DIE!" Tails screamed as he ran out of the classroom. Sonic looked at the students for a moment, and went with Tails.

* * *

Knuckles was heard screaming down the hallway during break time, and he ran into the office with a weird canon stuck on him.

"Guys, help! The students put a Crotch Laser ™ on me and it goes off whenever I feel an electric shock!" Knuckles said.

"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing." Blaze said as she gave Knuckles a hard pat on the back.

"Ouch!" Knuckles said which was quickly followed by a scream from his shock collar, and a higher-pitched scream from the laser. Then the shock collar went off again, and so did the laser (etc.) Knuckles' screaming filled the room in an almost musical manner.

* * *

In the court room, Sonic was eating a sandwich that used to be in my kitchen. The Judge walked into the court and did a little dance, then he got to the judge chair, or whatever you call it. He says some stuff about ants and armadillos, and he laughs maniacally.

"Uh… the prosecution is ready." Said what appeared to be Eggman.

"Prosecution? Isn't this a civil case?" Sonic asked.

"Not in my court it ain't! HAHAHA!" the Judge screamed.

"What crime did I do?" Sonic asked.

"The defense is ready." Tails said.

"Under what charge have I been sent here?" Sonic screamed.

"The trial will now commence for Mr. Sonic the Hedgehog, accused of crime against mankind." The Judge said.

"WHY?" Sonic screamed again.

* * *

The other teachers were unloading new text books into the school, with the help of Bill, a super macho school board employee.

"Here you go! 70 math books." He handed Blaze the pile effortlessly. Blaze put her two hands under the books hesitantly. Bill let go and Blaze immediately fell to the floor without warning.

"Ooh, a tough-looking one. Here's 500 literature books for you!" Bill said as he handed them to Knuckles. As Bill let go, Knuckles immediately fell through the floor and through the earth's crust and quickly found himself in China.

Silver was sweating and hyperventilating as he realized he was the last one left. Bill looked at him.

"Wimp."

Billllllll handed him two magazines and Silver let out a sigh of relief.

* * *

Shadow was walking down the hallway when a bunch of students pounced on him from the behind and dressed him up as a giant pipe cleaner. He was then brought to the chimney with a crane and started "cleaning" the chimney. To his relief, the rope attached to him snapped and he fell through the chimney, into the school, through two floors into the first floor bathroom where Steve was.

"Ooh! This could be a clogger!" Steve said as he started flushing a lot.

"Yyyaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Shadow started screaming as the toilet attempted to flush him.

* * *

13:00

Court GuiltOrElse

"The defendant obviously ate too much cheese before bed!" Eggman said with a finger pointed at Sonic in a melodramatic court room soap opera fashion as the jury gasped in shock.

"OBJECTION!" Tails called out.

"I'm afraid I cannot allow you to make an objection here. Objection overruled. The prosecution may continue." Judge Guilty said.

"He ate the cheese, not knowing that he would offend an old geezer later that day because of something extremely irrelevant!" Eggman continued.

"OBJECTION!" Tails called out.

"I'm afraid I cannot allow you to make an objection here. Objection overruled. The prosecution may continue." Judge Guilty said.

"Just look at his menacing face! He made geezer over there cry!" Eggman continued yet again.

"OBJECTION!" Tails called out.

"I'm afraid I cannot allow you to make an objection here. Objection overruled. The prosecution may continue." Judge Guilty said.

"Honestly! If I hear one more "Objection" and "Overruled" in the same sentence, I am going to scream!" Tails said, already close to screaming.

"Objection!" Eggman yelled out.

"Objection Overruled." Judge Guilty said.

"AAAAAAAAHHH!" Tails screamed.

* * *

Shadow managed to get himself out of the toilet unharmed, but as he walked out of the bathroom, two rhinos charged him down and some students grabbed Shadow and threw him into the pool, which had a really, really stuffed shark. Of course, the shark was bulimic, so he wouldn't have minded eating a little more, anyways.

"Okay, the sharks are getting old now, they're not funny anymore!" Shadow said. The shark stayed, nothing happened. "Aw crud." Shadow said.

* * *

13:15

Court GuiltOrElse

"He took the cheese away from its family, ate the cheese, and hurt the old man feelings, need I say more?" Eggman asked the judge.

"Hmm… I see no reason to hold this trial any longer. Does the defense have anything to say?" Judge Guilty asked.

"Yes!" Tails said.

"No you don't!" Eggman said.

"OBJECTION!" Tails called out.

"I'm afraid I cannot allow you to make an objection here." Judge Guilty said.

"I'm afraid I cannot allow you to not allow me to make an objection here!" Tails yelled back.

"My goodness! I've been overruled!" Judge Guilty said as a cop came into the court and started dragging the judge off.

"Ow! Hey, you hurt my arm!" Judge Guilty "OH, YOU ARE SO GUILTY!"

The court room went quiet.

"I'm suing you!" Tails said as he pointed to Eggman.

"Alright! That's great! We don't have any more trials here today anyways! Let's start it now!" Said a random Judge wearing a Hawaiian t-shirt as he dashed into the court room. "Remember, everyone is guilty until proven guilty!"

"Dammit! This wasn't how Ace Attorney on the Nintendo DS for $29.99 sold at Future Shop and Best Buy ended!" Eggman said.

* * *

"Well, Silver, I'm kind enough to let you eat this magic herb that I found! Eat it!" Blaze said as she handed Silver a plate of black stuff.

"Isn't this Tails' spinach?" Silver asked, pointing at it.

"Yup. He couldn't handle the magic." Blaze said. "Did I mention it's magical?"

"Hmm… Meh…" Silver took the plate and ate what was on it.

* * *

"Okay, Silver. You say you have stomach aches?" Asked Silver's doctor.

"Yes, it started yesterday." Silver replied.

"Okay, I'll just take a look at your stomach X-rays and find out if it was anything you ate." The doctor said as he looked at the X-ray of Silver's stomach. "Hmm… Oh my gosh! Oh gosh! OH NO! NO! HOLY POO! O MY GOODNESS! AAAHHHHHHHHH!" The doctor screamed.

"W-what's wrong?" Silver asked.

"D-DON'T TOUCH ME!" the doctor screamed as he ran out of the room, leaving the X-ray behind. Silver looked at it. The only thing in his stomach was a black lump. Hmm…


End file.
